old emails make me smile

like ones from 2006, when I was in Ukraine, apparently pleading for my sister to send me some electronic mail:

rat-a-tat-tat-tatty

every week, i get my hopes up high, higher than jane and michael ever flew their kites, that i'll get an e-mail from you, and then every week my kite gets caught, cut, wounded, bloddied, clubbed, and rent in the likes of a whomping willow tree when i see that there is not a word from my beloved guya.

basically i almost die a bloody death when i'm left without anything from you.

because i love you.

and i want to hear from you.

i love you.

have a great week,

skabsislyn

Her response:
Well, I sent you a letter so you can't die a bloody death. You shall recieve it soon, hopefully. Also, are you allowed to abbreviate your name like that?

a Sunday morning

Eamon has some awesome mad-scientist hair after bathtime. The light came in his window so gloriously as Andrew was dressing him that I couldn't help taking lotsa pictures. My boys are pretty handsome.

Marmee gave E the cutest church outfit for his birthday. On a whim last week, I tried it on him; I thought it wouldn't fit because he's almost 14 mths and the outfit is 24 mths. Well, the top--white shirt, vest, and tie--fit perfectly but the pants were very many inches too long. So we dress him in his jeans on bottom and the rest on top. Thanks, Marm, for the fun and cute outfit. I just love the tie on him. Here he is with it on last week:

grammas and grampas: all great

Gramma wouldn't even let me do the dishes after supper. I stood at the sink ready to fill it with sudsy water, but she demanded I come sit back down at the table. I complied.

Dad ended up doing the dishes.

And watching my baby all weekend long so I could coach the swimmers at the meet.

Gramma and Grampa cooked a feast for breakfast as well. I savored my grapefruit, pancakes (with apple topping AND syrup), sausage, banana, and 2% milk. I felt like royalty.

They gave us a sackful, a bulging sackful, of potatoes and onions from their glorious garden.

As if all that wasn't quite enough, what sealed the deal was the surprise bottle of raspberries I found as I was unpacking our stuff last night.

I'm spoiled. Really. I'm so blessed I feel I can't return proper or adequate thanks.

By their fruits ye shall know them.

They are so good to me. Sounds like a primary song, no?

A bottle of raspberries. A tall cool jar full of the most delicious taste; it takes me straight back to Gramma Roth's kitchen. And then to her cellar. I miss her. I wish I could still go visit her and sit on her porch, made warm by the afternoon sun. I wish I could hug her and feel her arm around my waist.

I enjoyed a treat last night. I poured a mugful of those raspberries, along with the sweet red juice, and paired it with a graham cracker. Savored every bite.

Thanks for the lovely weekend, Gramma, Grampa, and Pa. Hoping to return thanks in some way by striving to possess as much goodness as you.

book report

One of my favorite people and teachers, Chris Crowe, recommended A Monster Calls to me. I bought it off Amazon using the gift card Rachel and Ryan gave me (thanks guys!).

About this book:

Wow.

It hit very close to home. I know that's a cliche of an idiom, but really, with Tawna not doing very well and having digressed so quickly the last few months, it made me think even deeper and harder about life, death, meaning, love, letting go, and many other things.

I loved the book. To me it's very touching in an almost disturbing way--a way I needed at this very moment in my life.

The art is stunning.

Image found here.

"The New York Times" review may be found here.

today

I miss writing here, in this space. Lots has happened the last two years of my life and that whirlwind, many parts good and a few parts hard, has swept me away from here. For some reason I also shy away from writing about what my life is now. But I'm going to try to get over that and post what I feel like posting and if it's too much of Eamon then that's just too bad because I spend most of my time with him and most of that time is glorious. He really is my sunshine, though sometimes he morphs into a bath monster, as evidenced below.


Today I'm grateful for: Andrew, Eamon, family, friends, my jogging stroller, sleep, food, my job, scriptures, our own little corner in the world, walks, snow, warm showers, prayer, family night, games, hot dog boats, and books.

my baby

is one.

Hopefully I'll start writing on here more often,
but until then,
here's a little recap of E's birthday.

a case of missing

because I miss writing. I'm trying. Really really. But the words just keep welling and swelling and I don't quite know yet how to help them out. I feel I've got to wait a little longer. A little more mulling. A little more walking, seeing, feeling, breathing, sighing, laughing, and crying.

So maybe some snippets will do for now because I feel the need to get something out, even if they're slightly old ponderings/thoughts/jots. And I write them here, as opposed to my "writing blog," because I feel this space has become empty with my infrequent writing. None of these words are particularly profound. Just ideas and words that perhaps I'll come back to one day and craft into something more. But for now, they are what they are.

One:
If you miss yourself it's either because you've gone too far or haven't come far enough. You haven't arrived at yourself. you're out of synch. Out of tune. Out. Out and out.

Two:
if I had rocks in my shoes
my heavy boots
I could walk to the bottom of the ocean
my chest would explode
but I wouldn't mind
because maybe I'd feel right at home

Three:
a bed half covered in books.
where is one to sleep?

Four:
How does one remember to always remember to remember and remember?
Remember the "bigger picture."

Five:
when we meet at Jesus' feet
pilgrims on their knees
weary
knees worn
bleeding

you endure
go and go
and go and
go and go

to the end.

so tired
you kneel in a heap

effort

it takes all you have to raise your head
from your prostrate position

but
yes

yes, you made it

come into my rest.