when the tears come streaming down your face

Missing Ukraine.

I always miss it, and by Ukraine, I mean this and more: friends, hugs given so freely, babushki sitting roadside, fields of sunflowers, smiles of little ones on the metro, cups of tea, conversations shared on courtyard benches, street sweepers...

I could go on and on.

I ache for this home of mine from which I'm so far away. This aching was triggered more than usual last night at a stake auxiliary leadership meeting. After said meeting my chin quivered (and my eyes lost more tears than they have in quite some time) as, and after, my dad showed me the trailer for "The English Surgeon." The trailer invited my tears, but it was more where my mind and heart headed after seeing images of Ukraine and hearing beautiful natives speak. It took me back, but I wasn't really back. And it's much more. I can't explain it all right now, but it has much to do with feeling like I'm a force for good in the world.

My dad, mom, and And heard about "The English Surgeon"on Radio West yesterday, and I will listen to it as soon as I get the chance. Hopefully I can make it up to SL to watch it Monday night. Yes, please.

Many emotions coursed through me last night and continue to do so this morning, but I must be about my school duties, so that's all for now.

Wish me luck with 12 hours of school today; hurray for Parent Teacher Conference (the last one of the year!).

p.s. I stole the sunflower picture from here, where there are a lot more pretties of Ukraine.

per heather's request

no wonder i dream of babies all night long.

(and, yes, please excuse my nonsensical noises, but i couldn't help myself when faced with such a beautiful, young specimen of mankind.)

le vendredi

this week has flown. i can't believe the weekend is already here (i still have to "get through" school today, but after that...freedom!). i rode my bike in today. it was gorgeous to begin in the still-dark morning and arrive at school with dawn starting to light up the sky. i won't need to wear my headlamp much longer.

my favorite sight this morning: an orchard with vibrant pink blossoms contrasted with the growing green grass beneath the trees.

my favorite sound this morning: a rooster's call.

my favorite feeling this morning: pedaling and pushing through the whipping wind.

my favorite taste this morning: cantaloupe.

my favorite smell this morning: outside air.

happy friday!

i might have to post a picture of him every day for the rest of my life.
well, i probably won't;
i just love his eyes in this one and i already miss him and sierra.
i'm lucky and glad he and si will be coming out in a few weeks. huzzah!

it's sunday morning and i attempt to clear my mind before finishing up what i need to do to get ready for church. just a little rushwrite of spring break in albany. let's do it in list form. ha, i say let's as if you had a choice in the matter.

• holding baby
• kissing baby
• feeding baby
• making baby smile
• rocking baby to sleep (yes, an obsession with baby)
• scrabble
• boggle (hurray, someone to play with me; no one in my family will)
• walks
• dyeing eggs
• pineapple fried rice, red curry, and lychee bubble tea (not really tea at all, but it seems strange to say lychee bubble juice)
• porch-sitting (my new favorite pastime)
• porch-sitting and watching eli's head move back and forth with the passing of cars
• palmyra
• on the road with sierra and elijah
• sacred grove
• hill cumorah
• senior missionaries
• sunshine (especially since i knew snow dumped on utah while i was gone)
• running in shorts and tee
• joe's garlic bread
• sunday nap
• being with my best friend

well, there you have it. it's back to school tomorrow. looking forward to biking at least twice with this warm weather being forecast. i had a splendid ride out to soccer yesterday. the freedom i find on my bike is still so new to me that it's intoxicating. i love the speed.

happy sabbath!

my littlest cousin

i'm in love with this boy.

i returned home last night and will write more later about my albany adventures.

iraqi family

snow fluttered down as my mom, nat, josh, and i followed dad and andrew. they were in the van loaded up with two beds--a delivery to an iraqi refugee family. they were staying up hobble creek with a professor at uvu until they could move into their place in salt lake. they needed furniture and my dad heeded the call. he invited all of us to go with him.

what a beautiful family. the parents are both artists and i always feel like i overuse the word lovely, but that's precisely what the whole family is. i tried to get the five year old to warm up to me because she was being expecially shy. i smiled at her from across the room. she blinked her gaze away from me. then she scrambled off her mother's lap and trekked upstairs. she came back down, having retrieved something silvery and shiny--a little purse. i questioned her, still from across the way, what's inside? i knew she didn't know much english, so i was also using my hands in exaggerated motions. i asked again and, though she didn't look away this time, she shifted her eyes a bit downward. i left my stool and took a seat next to her and her mom on the bench. what's inside? can you open it? i asked her, and she began unzipping. she opened it up and took out lip gloss, body glitter, and some other "beauty accessory." she had me apply some lip gloss and then she reached in for one last item. she pulled out her hand and opened it to reveal one last mint rolled up in the wrapper left by the absent mints. she unwrapped it and gave it to me. she didn't even hesitate. she just gave.


i smiled and said thank you so much. she said you're welcome in a voice just louder than a whisper. i smiled the rest of the day. so kind. as we left, she kept repeating nice to meet you. i echoed her statement. i echo her statement.

people are beautiful. i can't get over that sometimes. i'm helpless in falling in love with the sheer beauty of everyone around me. it's just so immense to me. and i don't think i'll expound on it right now. just a thought. like the lady at the deli warehouse yesterday (in albany). i was holding elijah and she was enthralled with his adorable, lovable face. she said God created something beautiful when he created babies. i agreed with her while thinking, lady, grandma, you're beautiful too. you're lovely for not hiding your smile. i know that babies tend to bring out the better in people. they're more prone to smile at you if you've a babe in arms, but still. sigh. i must get over this sighing habit, but sometimes it's all i can do--sit back and sigh and wonder, breathe deeply and continue living.

poetry is wanted here

went to open mic poetry night at the orem library last night. i offered extra credit to my students if they went and a little more if they actually shared a poem. five came and five read. made me happy. i read two: this one and this one. i don't know why i get nervous. i teach all day long and expose myself at the front of the classroom, but for some reason sharing my poetry with people i don't know has a disconcerting effect on me. i'm proud of my students, for they were nervous too.

alex caldiero was the person leading the night. he read his poem "poetry is wanted here." i'd have to go back and check through my several notebooks, but i've heard him read this poem before. i really enjoyed hearing it again. he's powerful with words; his voice is so strong and booming. i'll post the text here, but you must hear him read it. click here, then click on wordshakers 2; he comes up at about 22:50. the rest of the program looks good, and i'll have to listen to it another time. just wanted to share. happy friday (i'm off to albany tonight!). here's the poem (snatched from here, oh, looks like you can listen to it here too, easier perhaps...this one gives a little background too):

Poetry Is Wanted Here

You don'
soun' so good.
Pleez
take care.


Most o' this is mental.
That's why it's terrorism: it's meant to
disconcert,
make you revert
to blind fear --
Poetry is wanted here!


And to boot,
our home-grown nuts
are starting to take root.
Yet in most parts
things are calm and generally subdued.
But there’ve been hoaxes
and folks is
getting anxious
and ready to conclude
that it’s hopeless and drear --
Poetry would be helpful here!


So i’m gonna poetize
to realize
that you cannot hide
when worlds collide,
no going inside
no taking a breather
either;
It all comes in on you at once
& you gotta have at least an ounce
of hope and joy
to deploy
into the atmosphere
of fear
to implode
the load
of grief that’s drawing near--
Poetry is desired here!


'Cause all peoples are
just like you are
and I are
close or far
are
just people with nowhere to run:
Let’s stick a flower into every gun
like way back when,
or was that a dream?
Cant say now
feeling so low
seeing so bleak
thinking so drear --
Songs are needed here!
Rhyming
& timing,
a rebirth of cheer --
Poetry would be good here!


BAM!
We are human
after all.
America
venerable
yet
vulnerable
and
human
after all:
That’s our true strength
& the real meaning
of this happenstance:
That we can fall
and scroll
and rise
and be surprised
and not take for granted
the morning sun so beautiful and dear --
Poetry is wanted here!


Forgive me for ranting
for panting
for chanting
out of tune:
That’s the fool in me
seeking a tune in me
wanting
to stay light and free
from what would oppress
depress
regress
obsess
and in general make a mess
o' my soul;
I wanna be whole
in control
on a roll
without the slightest hint of fear --
Poetry is needed here!


So my dear friend,
hang in
hang on
hang tight:
We gotta see this to the end;
We gotta be concern'd
and discern
the real enemy that we fight,
for the veil between truth and lie
is become so thin and sheer --
Poetry is wanted here!

joys

the hour is late (for me) so i'll have to write more about these beautiful Iraqi faces later. this is where i was saturday morning. sigh...

happy birthday sierra!

thanks for all you are.

see you in a week!

"I should not talk so much about myself if there were anybody else whom I knew so well." -Thoreau

blessed bouldering and friends, what would i do without you? so lovely. made my night, day, and week. and tomorrow's friday. my weekend is already splendid. g'nighty.